We have all been in a situation where we have been confronted with someone with a “less than perfect” attitude, one of those where we walk away and think “What just happened?” Being in the customer service industry for 15+ years, I may have seen more than my share. How we learn to handle these types of situations really speaks a lot about what kind of person we are.

Common school of thought is that there are four different types of communication styles; passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive. Passive communication is a style in which individuals avoid expressing their opinions or feelings, don’t stand up for their rights and needs. Passive communicators will often fail to assert for themselves and allow others to infringe on their rights, choosing not to express their feelings, needs or opinions. They tend to speak softly or apologize for how they feel while exhibiting poor eye contact and posture.

Aggressive individuals express their feelings and opinions for personal gain, often violating the rights of others and have a tendency to engage in verbal or physical aggression. Aggressive communicators will often use humiliation to control others by criticizing, blaming or attacking others and suffer from low self esteem. They also tend to be very impulsive, speak loudly using mostly “you” statements and do not listen to what others have to say.

Passive Aggression is a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle ways, like muttering to themselves rather than confronting the person or issue directly. These personalities have difficulty acknowledging their anger, are sarcastic, use facial expressions that don't match how they feel, like smiling when angry or appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disrupt.

Assertive communication is a style in which individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others. These individuals value themselves, their time and needs and are strong self advocates while being very respectful of the rights of others. Assertive communicators state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully, use “I” statements, listen well without interrupting and speak in a calm and clear tone of voice. They also have a relaxed body posture and good eye contact and do not allow others to abuse or manipulate them.

Let me ask you something at this point.  Think of someone you admire and take a moment to really think about them.  What are the characteristics you admire most? What type of communication style do you think they possess? Now compare their communication style with the style in which you mostly identify?

Some of us may have never learned to communicate effectively in relationships. We may be passive and not advocate for ourselves, aggressive and attempt to run all over others or passive-aggressive and smile while sabotaging others behind their backs. In order to build healthy relationships, we must learn to be assertive - to be clear, direct, and respectful in how we communicate.

Here are some tips to keep in mind:

• We need to decide, no matter what, we will not allow anyone to get under our skin. Realize what affects you and plan how to deal with it in advance.
• When confronted, ask yourself if you own the problem? If yes, acknowledge it. If not, move on.
• Avoid initial judgments and be sure to listen to what the person is saying. Many times there are underlying problems of why the person is acting this way and is often not truly related to the current situation.
• Try saying something positive, while keeping a smile on your face. Remember not to lose your cool, what matters most is your inner peace.
• Remember to avoid responding in anger at any cost and to never resort to violence. Try not to let your personal feelings rule the situation, but being sure not to agree just to end the conflict.

When we respond to conflict, verbally or non-verbally, we have the opportunity to either diffuse or heighten the situation. The choice is ours, what communication style will you use?

TRAVEL & LEISURE
Traveling with Disabilities
Submitted by Diane DuFour, Publisher of the Charlotte, NC Senior Living Guide & SeniorStyle Contributor

Written By Judy Ferring

Thanks to the Americans with Disabilities Act, it’s relatively easy to travel within the United States. That ease has spread to many other countries as they passed their own regulations.

Still, traveling with a disability is not effortless, for at least two reasons. One, regulations are neither universal nor standardized. Two, some of us have become so accustomed to our limitations that we forget about them until a situation arises in which they can no longer be ignored.

The recent experiences of two friends exemplify the latter situation especially well. Both are experienced business travelers – they’ve spent decades on the road and in the air, poking into far corners of the globe. Both are retired. Both – more than ever – are enthusiastic globetrotters.

Sam (not his real name) and his wife toured parts of Europe this fall. I doubt that they consider themselves especially handicapped – and I would not ask – although, for as long as I’ve known him, Sam walks with a noticeable limp. But he walks - a lot, and with enthusiasm. Yet several times on this trip, Sam took note that the hotels where they stayed and the places (restaurants, cabarets, etc.) they visited were not all that easy to navigate. The lobby of a hotel in Prague was reached via a steep stairway. It turned out that there was a ground level lift accessible with a special key given to guests - but of course you had to climb that stairway first and register to become a guest and be given the key.

Similarly, a quest for a local non-chain restaurant brought them to the doorway of a pub. “I wasn’t enthusiastic when I learned that it was down steep brick stairways to what looked like the cross section of an ancient sewer system,” says Sam. Nevertheless, they pressed on and even had to climb over brick ledges to get to their table. It was all worthwhile, in Sam’s book; the pork roast was delicious, the staff spoke a little English and the other patrons - “who were about a-third our age” - were friendly and interesting. In fact, they returned another night and were treated “like celebrities” because the staff and guests were intrigued “by this aging American couple who would climb down rough stairs and sit at rough hewn tables and listen to modern pop music.”

Elizabeth’s hotel was in Algiers. Maybe maintenance of elevators and escalators is not so stringent there, or maybe she was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time: the escalator treads at the top misaligned, pitching her forward. Elizabeth’s injuries are severe but probably would have been worse except that the hotel had a medical officer on its staff. After emergency treatment at the local university hospital, she flew home on her existing return-trip tickets. That worked well, probably because of her personal network of travel professionals who helped along the route home.

The more ordinary of us would have been better off with travel insurance that includes medical evacuation service. Granted, without insurance, this can be expensive but at least one company has acted to bring that cost down. Medex Global Group (www.medexassist.com) has a long history of providing insurance and medical assistance (medical supplies and attention, translators, evacuation, etc.) around the world. It has recently created its own travel agency in order to circumvent the cost of buying airline tickets or arranging charters; in effect, it’s now buying air fares wholesale rather than retail and that’s a significant savings.

As for multinational enactment of standards to assist disabled travelers, there’s a lot in various stages of development, being advanced by various groups. But on the international front, much of this in still in the early stages. Between the global recessions and a growing awareness in that travel and tourism is an important path to prosperity, many destinations are recognize the need to attract older travelers – they have the time and resources to travel. The World Bank is sponsoring a conference next March, for instance, to help Mozambique make disabled travelers comfortable. Speakers will include experts from Angola, Botswana, Brazil, Namibia, South Africa, the United States and Zimbabwe.

Norwegian Cruise Lines, for instance, pays special attention to the needs of disabled travelers. Its fleet offers facilities for guests with limited mobility, hearing and sight impairments, special dietary needs or medical equipment that must be accommodated. Each of its current ships has 27 wheelchair-accessible cabins, Braille signs on doors and grab bars in the bathrooms. NCL says a new ship coming into the fleet next year will be even better equipped.

But NCL has noted that many travel agents are not experienced in knowing what to ask or are reluctant to appear intrusive of its clients’ personal lives. So the cruise line has developed an online training module to teach them how to ascertain and meet those needs. It involves asking specific questions. If your agent isn’t among those to have yet gone through that training, you’ll have to be proactive, provide information and be specific with your own questions. If you use a wheel-chair, for instance:.

• Know how much clearance your wheelchair needs to fit under a dining table. You may have to wait until you’re board to check the location to be sure the aisles to the table is wide enough to navigate, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask.
• Ask about the location and type of electrical outlets for recharging a wheelchair or other assistance. It may be a good idea to pack your own converter, extension cord and power strip.
• Ask about the dimensions of elevators and compare that to those you’re accustomed to using. Learning to turn around in a smaller space ahead of time will save you a bumper-car session in a hotel or cruise ship.
• If you’ll need a commode chair or shower bench, ask if they’re provided and specify that they be in your room at your arrival. You may want to check again shortly before departure to be sure the hotel or ship staff actually received those instructions.

HEALTH & FITNESS
Pumping Iron is Great for the Ladies
Submitted by Karla Anderson, SeniorStyle Contributor & Triangle NC Publisher of Senior Living Guide.

Several new studies reinforce what we already know-- exercise is good for you. What is new in these studies is that weight training is particularly good for you. Among other interesting and noteworthy findings was that benefits from weight training occurred among those who were overweight or obese as well. Plus, starting to lift weights at any age resulted in improvement.

Improvement in performance on cognitive tests of memory and learning as well as in executive functions such as decision-making and conflict resolution was found in the weight training group. The control group who also exercised, but did aerobics and not muscle-strengthening, saw improvement, but not as significant.

These findings are reported in a series of independently conducted studies reporting on the effects of exercise in healthy older adults, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine . They confirm the positives of exercise as a prescription against the onset of chronic diseases, such as heart disease, osteoarthritis and dementia.

In one surprising trial, researchers led by Dr. Teresa Liu-Ambrose at the University of British Columbia randomly assigned 155 aging women to three separate groups and directly compared the cognitive effects of two types of exercise: (1) resistance training, done once or twice weekly, in which participants worked out with free weights and weight machines and did squats and lunges, versus (2) toning and balance exercises, which participants did twice a week

By the end of the yearlong study, the women who weight-trained saw an improvement in their performance on cognitive tests of memory and learning as well as in executive functions such as decision-making and conflict resolution — women who trained once a week improved their scores in executive functioning by 12.6% — while those who did balance and toning exercises showed no such improvement. The muscle-strengthening exercise also helped the volunteers, ages 65 to 75, boost their walking speed, a commonly used indicator of overall health status in the elderly, as faster pace has been linked with lower mortality.